Despite the best of intentions to get to the truth, calling the other woman should be a forbidden rule for all married or dating women who find out about their significant other is cheating. Calling the other woman proves to be disheartening and doesn’t always yield the opportune results a hurting woman would hope for.

Contacting the other woman will lead to disastrous results. It only shows your insecurity, not confidence that your marriage or relationship will get better despite this setback. There are situations that the cheater can get caught. For example, if you come home early from work or school to take care of a personal matter, but the other woman is in your home or bed, what would you do? Fight, call the police, or ask why is this happening? Whatever you choose to do at that moment could have long term consequences. If at all possible, however, avoid the following:

1. Providing details about what you and your spouse/mate are doing: This gives them too much of an advantage where they can come up with a quick-witted comeback to destroy hopes that you and your partner are secure regardless of whether she is involved. Simply put: never let your right hand know what the left hand is doing. Even if at that moment, you are hurting…fake it ’til you make it.
2. Arguing about who loves who more: Obviously if your spouse/mate is cheating on you, there is no true, agape love in his heart for you. This gives the mistress another advantage over you because in her mind, if your spouse loved you at all, he wouldn’t be with her.
3. Getting angry: Although inside you may be burning hotter than a volcano, unable to understand why there is infidelity in marriage, you must not lose your cool. The advantage of your enemy (the mistress) is to get you so riled up that she believes you and your spouse may part ways and she can swoop in as Betty Wright sang–“the clean-up woman”. If you must cry, don’t let either your spouse or the mistress know how hurt or angry you are by their actions. Soft answers turn away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). Confuse the enemy with a quiet demeanor rather than a loud, boisterous confrontation. Don’t give them the power over your pain.
4. Tit for Tat: Going back and forth over who, what, when, where, why, and how does nothing for either parties involved. You will always feel justified that what they are doing is wrong, while they may devise a scheme or plan to justify why they cheated. Handle the situation like an adult. (See I Corinthians 13:11). If there are children, a business, or property that needs to be discussed, do so in a rational manner.

 
Talking to the other woman isn’t really even necessary. Your questions, comments, and concerns should be directed at your spouse or mate. If they don’t want to discuss the matter then, it’s understandable. In tough situations like that, most men can’t handle the confrontation, so their recourse is to ignore the situation or pretend nothing happened. In some instances, they can turn on you to make you feel as if the entire act of infidelity was your fault. Be strong and secure enough in these situations not to let that get to you. Remain calm and positive and confident enough in yourself to know that you deserve much more than to be cheated on, lied to, mentally and emotionally scarred. If nothing else can help you, turn to I Corinthians 15:58:

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• Spying on a Cheating Spouse: A Good Idea?