As difficult as they may be, arguments naturally occur in every relationship. Frequently, the unresolved disagreements and the associated resentment between couples can end a relationship. Of course, you and your partner will not always agree; however, it is paramount that the two of you learn to solve disagreements and avoid arguing and fighting about them.

When you have been engaged in an argument, don’t let too much time pass before discussing your disagreements. You need to resolve the problem quickly to prevent the problem from getting bigger and perhaps causing another fight. While you cannot completely avoid disagreements, you can control the way you talk to each other. You have to avoid arguing and yelling. Arguments typically result in communication breakdowns, and this can eventually lead to irreparable problems for any relationship. Try keeping an open mind during communicating about disagreements or anything else. Here are a few tips that will help avoid arguing with your spouse, while pursuing a useful discussion.

First of all, do not assume the defensive position within the discussion. Being defensive can fuel the argument, causing you to feel defeated, and this may further damage your marriage. Never bring up past mistakes. Those who do this frequently explode the minutest disagreement into a complicated, full-blown argument. Forgiveness is essential for a good marriage. The ability to forgive, truly, is like resetting your marriage. If you cannot honestly forgive, every little problem will drag in some past baggage and make this problem seem enormous.

Learn new ways of relating to each other instead of the negative patterns that define your relationship. These negative patterns sometimes include emotional and even physical abuse. Using hurtful mechanisms is the way many people deal with their own pain. In the process of trying to inflict pain on your partner, you will severely hurt your marriage. At some point, this type of behavior will leave no choice except for your spouse to give up and end the marriage.

On page 170, Dr. Nancy Wasson deals with the problems of "right-fighters." In these relationships, one or both partners always have to get the last word. Read this chapter in Nancy's book, and make a note of what she describes as the five most important words for a healthy relationship.

Disagreements start over all kinds of foolishness. You and your partner can control this by modifying your behaviors. For example, learn how to recognize and control negative emotions like jealousy. Many times, jealousy is quite irrational, and the actions you take will start arguments and cause your spouse to withdraw. Also, strive to be dependable and do the things you agree to do for your spouse. When you break promises — even small ones — it paves the way for lack of trust in your marriage. Following through with your promises will certainly limit the number of arguments in your marriage. Replace an unhealthy behavior like lack of dependability with a healthy one like loyalty. Loyalty and support are the best displays of your commitment to your partner and your relationship. Help your partner when s/he has problems; you want to be the first person they call when something is wrong. Don’t be hasty in pointing out your partner’s role in causing the problem, if this is the case. You don’t have to agree that s/he is correct; however, be open to your partner’s position and feeling about the issue. Help solve the problem with thoughtfulness and encouragement. By setting this type of positive example, your next disagreement will be conducted respectfully, and likely have a more positive outcome.

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